This Baby is Making My Wife Cry

Emotional breakdowns were never something my wife indulged herself in; in fact, aside from when I proposed, I can’t think of a single time I ever saw her cry out of sadness, frustration, etc.  

The baby has changed this. Here are three examples:

The Tomato Soup Incident:

While we were still living in Bellevue, MG got hungry one night. We didn’t have much in the house, but MG had a Tomato Soup at Hand from earlier in the day. She went to heat it up and I followed her (because it was midnight and I had nothing else to do.) What happened next happened in slow motion.

As MG carried the soup past the kitchen table, she hit the chair and lost hold of it. It fell to the ground and it went everywhere. I chuckled and prepared to clean up the mess, but then I noticed MG was holding back tears.  I quickly tried to assess the situation. There were three possibilities as to why she was upset:

1.       Soup had gotten onto her clothes.
2.       Soup had gotten onto the floor.
3.       The soup was gone and she was still hungry.

I assumed that the fact that the soup was gone was the reason for the tears and my comforting response was “I’ll go get you another soup.”

You know that scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark where Belloq opens the ark and his head proceeds to explode. I was sure MG’s glare was going to cause my head to do the same thing.

Orajel Swabs Should Not Be Thrown at Pregnant Women:

I had a toothache, so I bought the Orajel Swabs. They had done their job, but I had about ten left in a plastic case. If you know my wife, you know that smells, gooey things, and a myriad of other things make her wretch. So, of course, I was tormenting my wife by bringing the swabs close to her until she freaked out and then I would move it away.

I grew tired of the game and decided to case the swab I had been teasing her with, but as I closed the case, I had an idea. I LIGHTLY tossed the case and it landed right on her boob shelf. I burst into hysterics; she burst into tears. I quickly retrieved the case and tossed it three rooms away.

Pickles, Olives, and Cereal:                           

This one is not my fault.

Aside from making my wife cry, it has also forced her to eat things that come in jars and sealed bags. Unfortunately, the baby has stolen my wife’s ability to open these containers, but that’s okay because I’ve been there to open these items. This morning my wife left the room to get some cereal, but soon returned in tears.

“I can’t open anything!” she cried.

I suppressed my laughter for the moment, opened the cereal and sent her on her way. When she returned to the room she found that her Cabbage Patch doll had put on her old school headphones to make her laugh.

I love my family.