Conversation with the Fetus/Things to learn

I had a conversation with my child last night; it was fairly one-sided. Anyway, here a few of the highlights:

1.      Hi there. I’m your dad. I’m the white guy that’ll be around a lot.

2.      I’m going to encourage you to be fat and watch TV. It is a fine way of life; anyone who says differently is a racist.

3.      You are not allowed to watch Comedy Central (while Mom is in the house.)

4.      Bob’s Burgers is back on. We’ll pick this up again at the commercial.

Also, here’s a list of things I need to learn before August:

1.      How to properly hold a small child without my arms going to sleep. I was holding a friend of my Mom’s baby a few months ago, and it came to the point where my arms where aching and shaking. How do people do this for hours at a time?

2.      How to deal with poop and vomit. This is going to be hard. I’ve always had a hair trigger on my gag reflex. The one morning sickness bout that we’ve had ended with me peeking around the corner to see if MaryGrace was ok. This was after I had almost thrown up myself.

3.      How to throw better than a girl. This is negated by me having a girl. Then I’ll have to maintain my current throwing prowess.

4.      How to love a child that is not a boy. THIS IS A JOKE~!